Posts Tagged ‘recovery’

Shame 2 

secret shame

no way out!!!!!!!

little boy inside of me

cover your dirty face

don’t let anyone see

turn and look away

tell their blame filled lies

don’t look them in the eye

it’s just a little compromise

you’ll be fine

just wait and see

you don’t matter

so let it be

no one knows!!!!!!!seems

it’s only a little thing to be

one with no identity and

no idea why it happened

to your wounded heart

and shattered life like that

except you were smart

and saw the evil beast

and what was done

and you became undone

when you saw

how you had changed

and who you had become!

you scurry back inside

seeking desperately to hide

because you are afraid

the people see you

and no one likes you

so build a barricade

and remember that

…a broken little boy

….must know his


.and how to arrange

.an intricately planed


secrets locked so tight

inside drive me crazy!



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demons of childhood

tormentors of the soul

invisible monsters

only children can behold

forgotten nightmares

restless memories unfold

secrecy and denial

ancient evil takes hold

warring against the children

praying upon our fears

following us into adulthood

blood in place of tears

growing away from the memories

crawling away from the fear

distancing ourselves from

insidious encounters

that make us feel quite queer

carnivores devour the children

grownups deny they are there

is it insanity to believe

this dark heritage that is not fair

prowling beast dripping fangs

on the edge of unconsciousness

lurking in my shadows, hanging

in my closet, slithering under my bed

deep in darkness misty lair

somehow living inside my head

crawling up from murky mire

hideous creatures accusing blank stare

coming back to remind me

that they are always there

feeding upon the souls of the innocent

calling me to come on down

voices drifting in the wind

whispering….suicides luring mantra….

…trying to stay awake….drifting…falling.

fighting the urge…sinking…. but in the end…

…..i know they all are real….


shemale demon tormentor of my soul

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Precious Star

Once upon a time a Star fell from the sky

A Star whose light did briefly shine

Obscured from sight, but for the few

Whose lives were blessed by one small glimpse

Of such a precious Star

That quickly passed us by.

So much was changed but how much more

Had the Star who had fallen, shined for all instead.

6 grains of sand in the hour glass of time, Oh God! So few!

Eternity, speculations, memories, so much more

but none of them free from the pain, and wonder

of how it all could have been.

You O Star so simple and polite

Free from the cares and concerns of the many

Happy to shine with love in spite of the pain

Free to fly on the wings of the wind.

How then you who made us so happy

Why are we so sad now instead.

The grief of life is the loss of  one so short,

Yet in loss you have become larger than life.

Your light shined so brightly,your flame flared up

and we all were amazed,….Then poof!! You disappeared.

Now I can only dream of the man you will become,

and wait until our time together in eternity.ilu


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