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Posts Tagged ‘Hurt’

I dream a dream of love, to be loved.
What does it mean to be loved?
What does it take to be loved?
Apparently, im not good enough to be loved?
I hate myself! It hurts so much!
Why does true love always
Put me on a shelf…..inadequate.
I search in my cherished, broken relationship
Where I find that even when im not alone
I’m still just all by myself….
My heart is so lonely because
I’ve been rejected so much
Even those close to me hesitate to touch
This breaks my heart completely
Every day I cry a river of tears
All these things that keep happening to me
Act as agents of all of my fears
So I wander listlessly through life
Rejected heart helpless and alone
Life collapsing, crushing and wounding me
I so long to go home.
But home is where your heart is
And my shattered heart is hung
On someone else’s cold decisions
As in place of love they hold me in derision
As I fear my fate and bide my time
And pray there is no permanent division.
asa

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When I was 10

When I was ten so way back when

My life was very much different

It was matchbox cars and army forts

Skinned up knees ‘neath cut off shorts

Bright summer fun, gray winters glee

Snowfall and football, shimming up a tree

Toasty warm fire on cold winters eve

Raking and diving into falls Amber leaves

Running through back yards

climbing over fences

Fighting off the enemy from the ditches

That we called trenches

Zooming by on my Spider bike

Close behind Joe, Ray and Mike

Chasing after shadows,

The wispy trail of fantasies

Or running from a monster

Whose spreading a disease

School was there too but

We paid it little attention

It was just one of those things

that did not get much mention

When daydreams were reality

And grownups could not see

The ‘real’ things that surrounded us

They said it couldn’t be but kids know better

Oh what feelings these memories do bring me

They take me back to a place so long ago

For so many years these memories escaped me

Now it seems I’m stuck back there

So way back when I was just ten

And my life was very much different…………..

 

1970_Schwinn_Orange_Krate1

deeper still the memories do slide

back to tears so long ago cried

pain and fear that I hoped I had hid

comes pouring out from within the kid I was

When I was ten so way back when

My life was very much different

I heard angry words, saw tantrums and fits

Viciousness shattered my tiny heart into bits

There were spiteful glares and hateful looks

I so often ran and hid in my books

ridicule, teasing, slander and so much more

unspeakable acts on the other side of the door

At the top of the stairs I heard things said

That made me so sad that I wished I were dead

So way back when I was ten

And my life was very much different

She told me you loved me but how could that be?

Considering all the evil things you did to me

You took immense pleasure in hurting me

I’m really very sorry that I have been so bad

You know I tried EVERYTHING to make you glad!

Grumbling, gripping,yelling and fussing

Raging,smashing, hurting me and cussing

Glaring hot, angry, hateful vicious eyes

Looking, piercing, scaring me, Why, Why, Why???

Why did you put that shame on my face?

Why do I feel like such a disgrace?

Why did you act so disgustingly with me

when I was so very young?

Why did you always lash out at me

with such an abusive tongue?

Why did you always strike out at me

with such an abusive hand?

Why did you always hate me

so way back when I was ten?

Why did you like misusing and mishandling me

so much, way back when I was only ten?

asa

 

image by asa (bike pic is a 1970 Schwinn from an add, I had this bike only Starburst )

 

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note from Jesus

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

my child

I know you are

hurting

I know that your

heart

has been

broken

right in two

but I want you

to know

through everything

I am right here

with you!

from; Jesus

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