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Archive for July, 2013

alan 3

Nothing More

 

desire and reality

I do not desire reality

it is only a painful burden

that amplifies the gap

between desire and my reality

only in escaping reality

can I bear this agonizing burden

of the sorowful reality I must bear

so I escape, I disconnect

I dissociate myself from myself

I lose myself, lose the now

I’m not sure if I remember how

or who I am?

or what I am?

Why am I?

Why do I cry so much?

Am I my heavenly fathers son?

Or just a product of my earthly fathers

Brokenness!!??

wanttodiewanttodiewanttodie

broken, I am broken, so broken

broken heart, broken soul, broken spirit

a broken nothingness

worthless to reality

nothing at all to desire!!!!!

the last one picked

but the first one picked on

at home or at school

Rag-doll, Rag doll

floppy old Rag-doll

made like a rag, used and tossed around

servant slave, nothing more, not son

use me abuse me like a sissy whore

please don’t, please do,

I deserve it, I do, says you,

for what I do?to you?to me? y

Shadowmonster says so cause

he can bend desire and reality

into, nothing more, than constantly

waking up into a 50 year old night mare

for the encore…….close the door, nothing more,

darkness……fear, and waiting for the reality……….

to please end.

 

asa

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